Billy's Final Thoughts
by Aiden Ravelle
Summary: Based off the movie - Billy's thoughts leading to his decision to end his life.


This is a story I had to write for one of my classes. It's from the POV of Billy. Thanks for reading and hope you enjoy!

I opened my eyes quickly upon hearing the door open. Glancing around, I spotted Candy in bed next to me and quickly remembered what happened the night before. I smiled thinking of the details but quickly panicked after realizing the time and who opened the door.

I grabbed my pants and tried to rush out of the room, falling down in the process. Finally, I got my pants pulled up and I noticed Nurse Ratched staring at me. The group clapped for me, though I wasn't sure if it was for losing my virginity or the confidence I had while starting to talk to Ratched.

I froze though, when Ratched spoke, "I wonder what your mother will say when I tell her about this? You didn't forget how close we were, did you?"

My mother. I had forgotten her. Fear raced through me considering all of the possibilities. She was definitely going to be mad. My memories flashed back through the years remembering all of our problems. I loved her, of course, she was my mother. But I wasn't sure I really liked her. She prevented me from living my life. Kept a constant watch over me no matter what I did, no matter how much I tried to show her she could trust me.

I don't think I always stuttered. I think she scared it into me. It's a sign of my weakness, especially toward her. I finally had a moment of freedom and confidence, and I was so thankful to Mac for that.

"Of course you weren't thinking of your mother when you decided to do this, did you?"

I brought my eyes back up to Ratched before glancing back at Mac. I shook my head as panic filled me. The fear of my mother is what led to me attempting suicide before. It would give me a chance to get away from her. It was nice here in the asylum for a while, being away from my mother and talking to other people. But then Ratched came and instilled the fear back into me. She's just like my mother, always watching what I'm doing, never trusting my decisions.

I was going to have to deal with my mother, and the doctor, and everything else I hated, even though I finally had a taste of freedom. Mac gave me a great night, filled with fun and excitement. Candy made it even better, making me feel like I could be a normal person. I don't have to be here in this asylum, I'm here willingly… but my mother would chase me wherever I would try to go. I can't escape this place like Mac, he has people behind him who can help him out. I just have my mother, who will hunt me down no matter where I would go.

"D-don't t-t-tell her," I begged.

"You should have thought of that before now, shouldn't you?"

"D-don't. P-p-please," I tried to stay confident but it was obviously not working.

"She's going to be so upset, isn't she?"

I'm an adult, I should be able to make my own decisions. If sleeping with a beautiful woman was one of those decisions, that was my right. I shouldn't have to report to a nurse for every single thing I do. I shouldn't have to report to my mother for every single thing either.

"Take him in there," Ratched ordered. "You'll wait for the doctor in there."

I screamed as I tried to fight them away. I had finally made a decision of my own. I finally tasted what real life could be like. It was all thanks to Mac. I owed him for this. I kicked out trying to get away but was quickly pushed down. They pulled me into the room as I cried and screamed. Of course my screams didn't make sense, they were filled with stutters, just like always. Maybe if I had a chance at a life outside the asylum and away from my mother, I would be able to live a free life with no stutters. Find a girl and get married and be a much better parent than my mother had been.

When they closed the door behind me I knew I had to get out. I had to escape. The windows were locked and covered. Even if I could get a way out, they'd find me. There is only one way to escape all of this. Escape the asylum, escape my stutters, escape my mother. My eyes darted around looking for anything I could use for my escape. I knew what I had to do. I had to finish what I had tried before. The only real way out of this madness.  
I finally spotted a glass on the table. It was the best thing I could find to use. I smashed it, cutting my hand on it as it fell into pieces. I found the biggest and sharpest piece and wrapped my hand around it, slicing it further. Finally, without thought, I brought it up to my neck and sliced. I remember seeing some blood and feeling like I was falling before it all went black. Finally, I was free.


End file.
